Out of control

It seemed like the more I tried to make sense of things, the more things get more complicating. The more I get closer to making a decision, the more things spiral out of control. The more I want to fix it, the more broken it gets.

That's not all. I'm ok with complicated. I'm ok with things getting way out of control. I'm ok with broken things. What I'm NOT ok with, is that when I start to accept the complicating-out of control-broken things, it all starts making sense again and somehow, it starts to mend itself.

And I'll get sucked into it all over again and before I know it, I'm back to phase 1. And the whole godamn process repeats itself. Over and over again.

I feel so frustrated. And lost. And confused. I want to get to the end of things. But when things seem to be reaching an end, it looks like the beginning all over again.

I am so right about life being a bitch.